Valentine’s Day is celebrated annually in the United States and around the world on February 14. For many, it’s a day (and month) for romance, commemorated with chocolates, flowers, jewelry, and red hearts, but perhaps it’s also a great time to discuss what contributes to the “green flags” of healthy relationships.
Mark Your Calendar
Valentine’s Day is probably one of the longest-running traditions honored during the month of February, even though its origins are often debated. One thought is that it stems from the death of St. Valentine, who, amongst other things, was known as the patron saint of couples who were engaged to be married.
Choosing Wisely
While the history of Valentine’s Day offers a romantic scenario, when it comes to relationships in the present day, it is better to choose partnerships based on mutually agreeable terms versus a situation of convenience. Most people are familiar with what are known as “red flags” when it comes to associations with others, which equate to things that are “bad” or are not ideal. Perhaps then, the better solution is to look for “green flags” instead.
It’s important to note that “relationships” do not necessarily need to be romantic in nature. When it comes to seeking green flags, or positive signs, in the people with whom you choose to associate, it can also mean childhood friendships, potential dating candidates, as well as life partners.
Healthy Relationships
Being able to recognize healthy relationships at any life stage is important, but is especially crucial to learn at an early age because it lays the foundation for positive social interactions throughout life. This allows children to develop essential skills like communication, empathy, and respect, which are vital for forming healthy relationships with peers, family, and partners as they grow up. In addition, early exposure to healthy dynamics helps them identify and avoid unhealthy behaviors later on, potentially preventing issues like relationship abuse or poor mental health.
According to Meredith McKeen, Vice President of Programs for Northern Virginia Family Service (NVFS), much of the work they do is preventative, which includes being able to recognize what a healthy relationship is versus an unhealthy or abusive relationship.
“With our elementary school groups, we focus a lot on ‘What is a good friend?’” says McKeen. “In elementary school, healthy relationships are about choosing good friends, knowing what a good friend is, and learning how to be a good friend in return.”
McKeen goes on to say that some of the prevention workshops they conduct are focused on teens choosing dating partners, as well as adults choosing good life partners. NVFS workshops offer exercises to practice and learn social-emotional skills that support healthy relationships. These may include working on communication skills, emotional regulation, and stress management to focus on critical thinking.
“That’s a very broad overview of what we do, working in groups and workshops for children, teens, and adults on a variety of topics,” says McKeen. “Some sessions are very topic specific, which might be specifically about healthy relationships, or they might be focused on domestic violence or dating violence. It’s what we call ‘primary prevention,’ where you give people all the information they need and that supports the healthy relationship part.”
Finding Green Flags
So, what are some green flags to look for? According to an article published in Psychology Today, there are 10 signs that point to or indicate the existence of a healthy relationship, including:
- Trust. When opening yourself up to someone else, you need to feel that they will be able to respond back with love and care.
- Respecting Boundaries. Understanding appropriate ways to interact with each other in different situations and adjusting as needed.
- Communication. Hearing and being heard. Understanding when emotions can be detrimental to the conversation and being able to revisit the conversation later when things are calmer.
- Regulating Emotions. Being able to effectively manage intense feelings such as anger, stress, and anxiety, but knowing when to seek help when self-regulation is unobtainable.
- Independence. Being able to rely on each other with the understanding that each person may need support from others outside of the relationship.
- Responsibility. Taking ownership of your actions and being able to apologize when mistakes are made.
- Laughter. It’s been said that laughter is the best medicine for whatever ails you. Being able to laugh with someone, and not at them, is an important part of a strong, mutually beneficial bond.
- Growth. Learning from each other to build new skills and enjoy new activities to strengthen your relationship together.
- Positive Regard. Being able to give each other the benefit of the doubt when needed, instead of focusing on flaws or mistakes.
- Collaboration. Life can be difficult but having someone there who can help you push back against it and find positive outcomes will make you both stronger.
The author of the article goes on to say that this list should not be how you can find the perfect partner but should be used as a guideline on how to grow together when you find someone compatible. Remember that there are two sides to every relationship and that the onus to improve is not on just one individual.
Building Healthy Families
Finding green flags in healthy relationships doesn’t need to apply solely to friendships, dating, or choosing a life partner. It can also branch out into other types of relationships such as how you can successfully navigate work partnerships, as well as creating a cohesive family bond through healthy relationship practices.
In addition to holding workshops to help individuals find green flags in their daily relationships, NVFS also offers a Healthy Families program, to provide the tools, guidance, and support that families need to be healthy and successful.
For additional information, visit their Healthy Families page.
